Love and let die, then live and die, then live?
by Stallion x Noa M death
Summary: This story is by M. Strangely, I liked this story a lot better than my last 12, but it got next to no reviews. Oh well. Why don't you review this masterpiece?


hildethebitch

Author's Notes: Wow...This is really...funky! That's the word. I dunno if its funny, stupid, or a combination of the two. 1+2, DUO AND HEERO!!! R+H!!! J/k, you can take it that way, but it's just a smidgen. RELENA BASHING, HILDE BASHING!!!  
  
On with the fic....  
  
  
"Duo, a-a-aishiteru..." Heero mumbled softly.  
  
Duo could feel his heart swell within his chest. "Do ya mean it Hee-chan?" Duo said with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Yes kobito, forever my---" Heero began, but the two lovebirds were suddenly interrupted.  
  
"Coming!" Duo shouted to the door, glancing appologetic looks at Heero, silently promising to be right back. Duo pressed his eye to the peephole, trying to get a glance at who was interupting possibly the happiest moment of his life. All he could see was a mess of blue hair. Duo swung the door open, and saw Hilde standing there.  
  
"Hi Duo! I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"Hi Hilde, how are---what the heck did you just say?" Duo said.  
  
"Hi Duo! I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"Dammit, that's what I was afraid you said. Well..." Duo decided to go with the direct, shatter the idiotic girl's heart into a million pieces way of breaking it to Hilde. "Well, sorry Hilde, I don't love you. Heero loves me, and I love him. Sorry, hope I didn't shatter the idiotic girl's, I mean your heart into a million pieces," Duo said evily.  
  
"Oh, ok! " Hilde exclaimed as she walked away, "I think I'll go home now. See ya!" she said and waved goodbye to Duo.  
  
"Well, that went a little better than I'd thought it would, I thought she'd at least turn into a blubbering piece of shit, like Relena did when Heero told her he could never love her. Lord knows, Heero had to go through alot to get rid of that bitch!" Duo stated while getting back to his new koi, so they could do 'things.' ;)  
  
:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:  
  
"Heero, this is a great movie! It's just so---" Duo said suddenly as he was cut off, from being startled by a hand tapping his shoulder. Duo turned around in his seat, to see who was interupting his comment to Heero about the movie that his boyfriend has brought him to see. "Oh god, not again..."  
  
"Hi Duo! I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"We already talked about this Hilde, I love Heero you damn bitch!" Duo whispered harshly, his temper flaring.  
  
"Oh, ok! See ya later Duo and Heero!" Hilde exclaimed as she walked out of the movie theater, leaving a very pissed Duo and a very confused Heero in her wake.  
  
:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:  
  
It had been about a month since the last Hilde sighting. Duo and Heero decided that they wanted their own house, so they moved into a small house at 506 Death Wing Lane in Pullyapantsup, Maine. Sorry ladies, we're not giving out their phone number, and I doubt you'll find their house. ;)  
  
"Hey Hee-chan, up for a little fun? No wait! I'm not saying yours is little, it's big! I just...just...Goddammit Heero! Quit it with the third degree already!" Duo cried.  
  
"...You're forgiven?" said Heero as he forgave Duo of what he wasn't quite sure of. He just decided to go with the put your arm around your lover tactic.  
  
"Ahh Hee-chan! I love you so much!" said Duo with a glimmer in his eye. Suddenly Duo pounched on Heero and ripped his victim's shirt off. And wouldn'tcha' know...  
  
*knock knock*  
  
"Don't...you...d-dare get that!" Heero spat out, trying to form the words, with his lover kissing him all down his chest. Of course, Duo reluctantly got up and went to the door.  
  
"Hi Duo! I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU KEEP FINDING ME?!?!"  
  
"Uh...I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"Heero...*breathe*...GET THE FUCK OUT HERE!!!" Duo screamed. Heero rushed out, his shirt scotch-taped together, barely hanging on his shoulders.  
  
"Is everything ok Duo?" Heero said quietly, not really wanting to be around when Duo was in his angry mood.  
  
"G-get rid of THAT," Duo said calmly, finger jammed in Hilde's face.  
  
"Gladly," Heero said, while picking up Hilde, and drop kicking her 3 miles to the Pullyapantsup High School football field, where they just happened to be holding a game at the time. She collided with the team mascot, the Pullyapantsup Crack (the schoolboard was snorting cocaine, and they came up with the ingenious mascot, but they had to call it the crack, since the PTA wouldn't let them call it the Ass). Sadly, both Hilde and the Pullyapantsup Crack died on impact.  
  
"Thank god, that's the end of that," Duo sighed, as he drug Heero back inside so they could do 'things.' ;)  
  
:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:  
  
"Oh god Hee-chan, harder! HARDER!" Duo screamed as Heero and Duo were laying down on the couch, with Heero scratching his braided beauty's back. There was a knock on the door, and Duo stood up, and skipped merrily to the door. "Thank god it's not Hilde, but I kinda feel sorry for the team mascot. He was the only person at the high school I could relate to, since we both had big asses," Duo said sadly.  
  
(author's note: I'M NOT DISSING THE ASS! Duo's ass is one of the things I admire most about him;) I mean, come on. None of the other gundam pilots have an ass like that!)  
  
Duo opened the door, and saw a cute little blue bunny rabbit. "Oh my god, kawaii!!!" Duo squealed. He picked up the bunny, and walked outside to their sidewalk. "Heero, come out here!" Duo shrieked at Heero.  
  
"I...*squeak*...love you!" bunny rabbit Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"Oh no!" Duo cried. "Heero, help me!"  
  
"Die rabbit from hell!!!" Heero screamed as he ran outside with hammer in hand, and hit the rabbit with the hammer as hard as he could. The rabbit splattered all over the sidewalk.  
  
"Heero, what have you done?! Now we have to buy a new hammer," Duo said as he turned on the waterhose and began to spray the Hilde bunny guts and blood off the sidewalk. "Oh well, I forgive you," Duo said, as he ripped off Heero's shirt so they could go inside and do 'things.' ;)  
  
:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:  
  
Duo snuggled into Heero's shoulder, exaughsted. Suddenly a rock crashed through the bedroom window. Duo screamed. Heero peed his pants.  
  
"I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"What the heck? Hilde's dead...twice! Who said that!" Duo cried.  
  
"I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"It-it's just like last time. Come on Duo, grab the rock and get in the car," Heero said quietly.  
  
Duo was in the passenger seat, holding the rock. "You mean this is Hilde?" He said staring at it.  
  
"I love you!" Hilde exclaimed.  
  
"Yup, I know just where to put it, Relena needs some company," Heero replied. "Hand me the rock Duo," Heero said, and Duo passed it over.  
  
"Rot in hell you asshole!" yelled Duo as Heero chucked the Hilde rock into Relena's yard. Heero drove him and his beloved back home, where Duo, out of shear joy of being rid of Hilde, ripped off Heero's shirt and did 'things' to Heero.  
  
THE END...wait a sec. What about Hilde?  
  
"Duo? I loved you? Why wouldn't you accept me?" Hilde sobbed.  
  
"Hilde? Yay! Now I finally have someone to talk to!" a familiar bitchy voice said.  
  
"Relena? Dear god no!" Hilde cried. Relena the rock rolled over next to Hilde the rock.  
  
"I told Heero that I loved him, but he kept on killing me! Isn't that just totally not nice? Anyway...I think I'll never be able to love again after losing my dear, dear Heero," Relena talked on and on, like the bitch she is.  
  
"Is that so?" Hilde said, obviously bored.  
  
"Yes, it is so, I'll never love again...Damn! Hilde, you look pretty fine for a rock!" Relena exclaimed, checking out Hilde's butt, although she wasn't sure where her butt was, and not even sure if a rock did have a butt, but if Hilde did have a butt, it sure was fine.  
  
"Not that, pleeeeeease not that!" Hilde screamed. Hilde slowly rolled away from Relena, with Relena in hot pursuit (but she wasn't really going that fast...). And since rocks never die, Hilde and Relena spent all of eternity as rocks, but I don't think we'll ever live long enough to see if Relena gets her rock hands on some of that "fine Hilde."   
  
THE END  
  
The moral of our story? Duh! Long live the bitches;) I wrote this while thinking about the lesson we did on reincarnation in our History class at school.


End file.
